Reminiscing

everyone once in a while i go back to read my old entries, starting this blog back in 07 when i was still wandering about the blocks of shanghai...sometimes reaching even further back when i started posting on my xanga, looking at all the junk and mental diarrhea i once penned as thoughts. sure some of it was valid and parts of it were fun, but i looked back on it tonight and realized that i was an emotional sap...a vanity exercise all in my head...and a narcissistic punk in my immaturity.

now that it's three years forward, and i reflect on my life now, a lot has changed while plenty has stayed the same. my physical location, my age, my job, my schooling, my growth has all ripened and expanded...but i look at myself and i still see the immature, egotistical, guarded child that has dominated my emotions from time to time. but however slowly, i also see wisdom that is beginning to creep into my mind and experience beginning to wear down old foes. so i guess it is all about persistence in this game of life.

what really started me on this journey of introspection tonight was a thought that came across my mind when deciding not to go out with my friends tonight. though it was a long day and i'm still battling the swine flu and i could just use the rest, i realized that having personal time is key to my sanity. and i always crave it, but when i get it, i always wish i had someone around me to spend it with. my old relationships used to fill that void perfectly and happily, but we all know that i haven't had one of those in a long time. and then my family is just too far away to make it a consistent affair (though it was nice to see my mother last week, regardless of how much money i lost in vegas or the sadness of an aging grandparent). the feeling lingers...i was tired and didn't want to drink tonight, wanting to keep a level of mental sanity with personal time before work ramped up again...but once i got it, i started to look back and doubt my independence and confuse it with loneliness.

so i guess what i'm trying to say to myself is...sometimes i can be my own worst enemy, but it's the self-battles that are worth fighting and worth winning.

Graduation Day

there was some discussion with a fellow graduate of mine on why this event didn't have the gravitas and the excitement that graduating from undergrad had...both of us had already secured full-time jobs and have already been at it for a while. for us, graduating was more about taking something off of our plates than achieving a milestone, now ready to face the world.

of course, that is not to say that this morning's commencement wasn't without its share of appreciation and satisfaction. what started as just another place to hid out before the real world has turned into two years of new friendships and reality checks. but with that being said, i bid a close to my academic career with one final walk across a stage.

from here, all those individuals in that room will have to find their own way. those undergraduates will now have to figure out where to go from here, with still some minor leeway until reality really sets in; and my fellow masters will really need to take that step forward into a world with fewer safety nets and more responsibilities.

congrats to all the other graduates.

MPP

after two years, 36 credit hours, 42k in tuition...i have just completed my last class in my masters program in American University.

i'm now going to be one of those pompous jackasses that puts their insignificant MPP degree behind their name on their business cards.