Balancing Act

i haven't yet announced this news to but a few people, not sure what i'm waiting for exactly, but since no one really looks at this thing, i might as well continue...i have been given the opportunity to work for my perfect job. i am the new research assistant to the health team of the Senate Finance Committee. that doesn't sound so sexy, and i'm sure it won't be. but for a person in my shoes, this is the perfect stepping stone to a bright and hopefully, gratifying profession in public service.

this news should have drowned out all others and the elation of getting one's first real job should have engulfed my inner most emotions. and to a certain extent, it has provided a sense of relief coupled with increasing anxiety and nervousness. yet, here i am at 3:30 in the morning, blogging to no one about the sadness that has dominated my senses all night.

put in perspective, i have all that i can ask for at the moment when so many others have so little. and the appreciation is not lost on the irony that i have done relatively little and earned so much while so many others lost their jobs and homes this past weekend. so i'll keep my sadness brief.

but it is embodied in the notion that i couldn't share this with you. i type this knowing the object of this piece will not be reading these words...but still with genuine sentiment flowing through my fingers. there has been a dampness that i have felt. it has dulled the good and great moments and exacerbated the bad and worse ones. what was there was never perfect and probably never could have, but who wants perfection...seeking perfection sets us up for great disappointment. no, i'm not looking for perfection in everything, but i am (or was) hopeful in the potential of perfection in all things. this way, the bar is set high, but expectations moderate.

i bring up this new founded cynicism to this day...and this news. you knew what i was chasing and how perfect it would have been to have been able to share this moment with you. though perfection may have slipped from my grasp, not all was lost and i have set new terms of measurement...terms that i am happy to have met today.