Perspective

as my posts have become more self-centered and notably pessimistic, my readership has fallen from one to none. i guess that is to be expected when no one really relates...or actually cares much...about an existence so befuddled by confusion and incoherence.

but as another one of my late-night wine induced posts, i don't expect much attention to be drawn to this entry. just wanted to get some words down on. i've been drifting through the days in a haze as of late, feeling sorry for myself...or perhaps self-loathing would be the better adjective. struggling to find the energy to focus on the matters at hand...finding gainful employment, penning the multitude of papers and essays i must write, and newly added problem, finding a new roommate to succeed the exit of my current companion.

my academic and professional careers have taken me down paths where i have seen the utter despair of those who cannot feed themselves, afford health care, or survive without charity. yet here i am, fully satiated, healthy, and fortunate enough to be able to provide charity...but all i can do is sit here and be angry at a world that has provided me nothing be good fortune, with a few bumps here or there. control is an elusive thing...and it is evading me at the moment. but if it does come back to me or i stumble upon it, i will remember to use it to gain a little perspective...to see that there will still be a tomorrow...and perhaps be able to shed myself of this undue burden i have only placed on myself and have only myself to blame.