At What Cost

i came here with intentions to open my eyes, to challenge myself, to test my limits of comfortablity...but to grow into the person everyone else wants me to be. i know that seems wrong, i should be out here to becoming the person i want myself to become, but i've been trying to find that and i haven't.

it seems that every step i've taken, from choosing to graduate earlier than planned to moving to china to finding work experience here to learning chinese, has not been forced upon me, but i definitely felt a little nudging behind me. and it is my own fault for succumbing to pressures and not standing up for what I would rather be doing. so now i'm here...

now let's say that in a few months, i will have achieved all the goals and benchmarks that have been set in front of me. what will i have given up?

i've had a lot of time for these thoughts. and sometimes...i feel as if the costs of all this are just too much for me to bare. regrets and doubts have flooded my consciousness...now it's up to me to drown or try for shore.

New Blog for New Stories

there once was a xanga that i would happily...or sometimes unhappily...posted on. but i feel like this shall be a better way to start off a new year, with a new blog, and a new start.

hope you readers will enjoy my random insights into my life in the big city